Private Eyes Are Watching Me ...!!

IsaOfHonesty had a challenge to face.. She was being accused of stealing a vowel from the magnificent Tiera (tiara) of Florida!! (gasp)

Panic stricken Isa grabbed a dark curtain from the Coffee Shop she frequented,covering her face she discreetly crept along the edge of the wall till she spotted her escape by the trapdoor Buckeroo had installed for his victims. This was perfect!! She'd be gone to find the missing vowel and no one would be the wiser!!! IsaOfHonesty would find the missing vowel and restore her virtue !

Once outside IsaOfHonesty slipped around the back and searched for her high-powered double-horsepower-engine wheelchair thingy. There it was.. parked exactly where Barkey had left it.. beside the empty beerkegs from the night before... Thank goodness Barkey was an expert high-powered wheelchair driver, otherwise IsaOfHonesty would've landed many times squarely on the seat of her beautiful round bum. (bum as in ass-- not BUM as in joedirt) IsaOfHonesty could always count on her partner-in-crime Barkey.

Isa climbed into the high-powered wheelchair and deftly slipped it into second gear as she rounded the corner of the Coffee Shop. Wind in her face IsaOfHonesty felt the force lift the curtain from her face and fly unassisted to the dust that trailed behind her machine.

Luxurious locks flying, eyes sparkling a wicked green, Isa knew that the pesky missing vowel could be found somewhere in the Florida Keys. Thats the KEY!! (ok, that was lame.. but it was spontaneous)

Isa traveled over the Dusty_44 roads... across the BROOK, dodging TROUT, as they jumped high in front of her. It was getting late, and Isa worried if there would be enough light from the single STAR shining above the trees... She traveled on..

Soon IsaOfHonesty came to the dreaded crossroads of GONDOR & CrazyCajun's Diner.. She had a sinking feeling that ONE of those two locations held the missing vowel. IsaOfHonesty suspected the missing vowel was either hidden in a bucket, or among medical supplies at the diner... hmmmm... Isa opts for the bucket... and sneaks into GONDOR..

Suspiciously scanning the kitty boxes... Isa sees a glint.. a sparkle... a tiny beam of shiney peeking out from the bottom of the kitty box... She gently moves the sand away, little by little.. until.. lo and behold!! tis the missing vowel!!

EUREKA!!! IsaOfHonesty squeals!! My plight is at it's end !!

Scooping the bedazzled devlish vowel into her gloved hand, Isa starts for the door...
only to be met with a woman...standing staunchly and squarly in front of the door... daring Isa to go no farther.. it's her, it's.. it's THE FLORIDA LADY !!!

Isa's heart sinks, she feels the hair on her head prickle, sweat forms above Isa's beautiful red lips... she's been DISCOVERED !!

IsaOfHonesty remembers THE FLORIDA LADY's distant warning; "Would you like to meet my private eye???"... Isa feels a chill go down her back.. her eyes rush up to meet THE FLORIDA LADY's glare.. defeat envelopes Isa's virtuous soul... THE FLORIDA LADY wasn't just talkin SMACK... she HAD hired a PRIVATE EYE !!

Glancing nervously away Isa directs her gaze on the bucket... there might be a hole in it, but it would do. Swiftly Isa reaches over and snatches the bucket and brings it down hard on THE FLORIDA LADY's gnarled toe...

While THE FLORIA LADY screeches in pain (very unladylike i might add.. gawd), Isa tucks the dazzling missing vowel into her sensuous cleavage, positioning the missing vowel right between her melons and dashes out to her wheelchair.

Jumping on her highpowered vehicle IsaOfHonesty makes her escape... back down the DUSTY_44 roads.. across the BROOK.. dodging the TROUT.. Isa senses relief.. she made it.. she could return the blasted missing vowel to its word, and the only person that would ever know it was missing would be ... THE FLORIDA LADY..

.... and no one would believe her anyways...

damn those private eyes...

the end......maybe

The Sequel

Isa of Ark wakes to a slow throbbing pain in her heart... no wait, .. shoulder.. her shoulder. IsaOfArk's eyes travel to her disheveled attire.. the bright red stains on her shoulder, dry now from the heat of her body.

Wincing from the slight tear in her soft flesh, IsaOfArk gathers her wits about her and glances around the dark walls that had protected her from the horrid KING and his assailants. Breathing a sigh of determination, pursing her full red lips in a smirk of anticipation, IsaOfArk pulls her long locks back in a tight twist behind her head and collects her weapons.... Today is the day of RECKONING...

IsaOfArk steals past the stables in search of her steed. Spotting the strong magnificent animal that will carry her onto the path back to the GRUNTO CASTLE, IsaOfArk slips her leathered foot into the weathered stirrup and with a twist, tops her mount gracefully. With a quick jab to the animals flank, IsaOfArk begins her journey back to her beloved GRUNTO CASTLE.

As Isa rides on her journey she contemplates her reception at GRUNTO CASTLE... will the tyrant KING @ BUCKEROOVILLE still be under the delussional impression he could stop her from entering her beloved caffeine room? Isa tosses her beautiful head back and a smile of amusement touches her lips... the tyrant KING has no idea the power she weilds with the people of the caffeine room..But.. he shall.. and soon..

Spotting the GRUNTO CASTLE through the woods, IsaOfArk slows her steed at the grassy edge to survey the CASTLE through the nifty binoculars charlesnewyork gifted her with on her 49 1/2 birthday (thanks charles).

Spotting the window to the caffeine room, IsaOfArk angles her binoculars to the HEAD OF THE TABLE and sees GRUNTO leading discussion. Isa's heart warms..

Gathered around the table are familiar faces, all adding to the morning conversation, eager to express their views on the topics at hand, or carrying on personal conversations outside of the topic at hand.

There she spots SAMMIHAWK conversing with her beloved, slapping him occassionally for his illicit wit..

(9:42 AM) Sammi_H: whaps Hawk......pay tention

to SAMMI'S right sits HORSEY, just happy it's not snowing oats...(

(9:36 AM) Horsey7546: Hayyyyyyyyyyy dizzy issy

across from HORSEY is sr dude, positioning his coffee cup and administrators cap.... on the far left Jim_44 watches the crowd warily, wondering who to ignore this day...

(9:51 AM) Jim_44: usc you are right. she only needs to be ignored

Cuddled up to JIM_44's side is MYGODMEMOTHER, quietly glaring at ANYONE, squinting, while she shines her firearms with her favorite doiley...

Standing at the other end of the table is a tall commanding figure; it's USCONCEITED.. who we now refer to as OMGIMISSEDYOURWIT, FORMERLY AKA; U.S. CONSERVATIVE (given christian name by his mother... don't ask).

OMGIMISSEDYOURWIT is smiling at the surrounding table, sharing pleasant memories with that green girl from the far north who is patiently cleaning a fish and scooping the remains into KING BUCKEROO's coffee cup (which is really filled with whiskey if the truth be known).

Smiling to herself, IsaOfARK dismounts her magnificent animal, wrapping the leather reins around her soft wrists, she quietly leads her stallion onto the CASTLES' grounds... gently tying the leathery strips to the CANADIAN half submerged submarine that the green girl from the far north brought along, just in case...

(

(10:08 AM) Hawkster: Ummmmm........USC......instead of sendin Isa..........how about another war canoe for our Navy

IsaOfArk strides into the GRUNTO CASTLE... Up the slate steps Isa flies, in anticipation of interacting, and in a few cases
having discord.. oh the joy .. the joy !!

Steeling her shoulders and setting her chin, IsaOfArk enters the caffeine room-- all heads turn her way in alarm.. except a few (who actually invited her by sending an engraved invitation with really cool looking font)

(9:51 AM) clr_blu_ski: how did she get in ?

IsaOfArk surveys the room and offers a silloughy smile to those she enjoys, and a knowing glare at THE KING BUCKEROO (who at this very moment remains UNCROWNED and POWERLESS) (

(10:16 AM) BUCK_46: jim this is all about government

... for the RIGHTFUL KING; GRUNTO sits at the head of the table, smiling warmly and lovingly@ IsaOfArk; his favorite troublemaking wench. (wrench?.. i hate that word.. damn)

Enter Isa!! Come sit safely beside me and let us converse! This castle room is open and welcome to you ALWAYS.. (grunto shoves a washcloth towards the gnarly tyrant BUCKEROO so he can wipe the egg off his face)

Buckeroo reluctantly accepts the washcloth and shares a knowing; "I cannot stannnnd IsaOfArk" look with MYGODMEMOTHER. IsaOfArk catches the glance and softly chuckles to RottenRonnie, who is known throughout the kingdom and beyond as the; TATTLERS' GERMAN LOVE MUFFIN. (this news just discovered this week on the castle restroom walls.. something about a romp, a ride and a sweaty rest...)

(

(10:34 AM) Waiting_for_Godot: ISA I was Sexual to at Ronnie Age -- (10:36 AM) RottenRonnie: you spend the first 60 years of your live having sex and the second 60 talking about it

The commanding figure of OMGIMISSEDYOURWIT stood tall and lean, and with a dazzling smile addressed IsaOfArk; "Isa, how I have missed your company on these dreary mornings, it is so goooood to see you and hear your melodic tones carressing my magnificent ears... the last time we conversed I shunned you.. to my detriment, I was hasty and foolish to think you could be anything other than good and precious.. please accept a ride in my see thru floorboard vehicle... we shall travel far and away to distant lands where the politicians actually MEAN what they claim!! You and me baby,.. we can do this !!!"

(10:12 AM) USConservative: **SNORT**

Isa notices KING BUCKEROO choking on the fish remains the girl from the north scooped into his whisk.. err coffee cup.. IsaOfArk chuckles and slips the green girl a $5 bill.. "..buy yourself some candy" Isa whispers giggling...

IsaOfArk pushes her chair back quietly, glances at the familiar faces around the room, (notices JIM_44 hitting his ignore button frantically, hysterically) and she smiles...

Thank you OMGIMISSEDYOURWIT, and KING GRUNTO.. I shall make this room of caffeine and sugar my daily stop, so I may enjoy frolicking with my friends, and pricking my enemies softly.

There is one request from me KING GRUNTO... while you enjoy your morning coffee, and enjoy the conversation with your friends.. may ROB517 enter the room without fear of ridicule or arrest??? ... ROB517 has painted the walls of this room for eons, he has filled your sugarbowl, milked your cream.. and swept the halls surrounding this castle... it is only fair that ROB517 enter this room with no fear of retribution...

Please consider this.. ty


IsaOfArk shoves a cup of SUBSIDIZED MILK to the CROWNLESS KING BUCKEROO ... and grins ..

IsaOfArk turns away from the crowd and motions to her comrad FireyFrisson of FarAwaySomewhere (can't remember.. sorry friss)... links arms with her and heads towards the room exit... FieryFrisson? I think there might be a sale going on at QUEEN VICTORIAS we can go to.. though its rumored it's a secret...

The two friends leave the room and head towards a 2way street to shake up the crowd gathered there, and after that they decide to go see the very popular shop of VOODOO POLITICS...

the end... maybe...

I'm going to tell you a fairy.. errr SCAREY tale

(NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT. ANYTHING THAT MAY SEEM SIMILAR IS PURELY A FICTICIOUS NAME IN A FICTICIOUS ROOM.)

Once upon a time... in a land called BUCKerooooville, lived a very insecure and dissillusioned KING. Underneath the sweaty brow, the skintight jumpsuit with sparklies, dwelled a KING, a MIGHTY KING!! A KING no one DARED question... for he knew ALL.

Yes, the KING had had his fill of opposing viewpoints for the day, and he was ready to relax, enjoy his kingdom and bobbleheads that surrounded him with appeasing tones of glee. Yes, the KING stretched out on his throne as he surveyed with lazy eyes that resembled slits, like a snake surveying his prey... this shall indeed be a good day... he thought.

Out of the distance the KING heard a thundering sound!! WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS HEADED HIS WAY???!!!... The clatter came closer... and closer... until finally his ears felt as if they were about to burst!!!... then as sudden as a lightbeam shooting through a raincloud, a dewdrop encompassing a soft, fresh petal... the KING saw a figure... far out on the hazy morning horizon.. gallopping closer to the kingdom with purpose and force. The KING trembled in fright!! It was HER!! SHE!! It was IsaOfArk!! Stampeeding her way to HIS kingdom!!

(the king knew this wasn't gonna be pretty)

The KING alerted his guards!! JIMBOY!! USCONCEITED!! MYGODMEMOTHER!! LarryTheJust!!!
COME HITHER COME HITHER the KING screamed in a soft criminal whisper!! She's here!!!
WATCH HER!! I BEG YOU!! KEEP AN EYE ON EVERYTHING SHE SPEWS FORTH!!! She will try to reason with us!! GUIDE US!! TALK SENSE TO US!! I FORBID IT I TELL YOU!! I FORBADE IT BEFORE AND I SHALL KEEP FORBADING HER NO MATTER WHAT SENSE SHE UTTERS!!

In the distance a figure is seen more clearly, coming closer you can make out the long, shiny, healthy & luxurious whisps of beautiful glistening locks, trailing behind a silken red cloak that shone with chocolate diamiamonds(ty green), rubies, emeralds and pearls. On the long shapely legs there were trails of soft, smooth, leathery straps, intertwined up to her knees, to protect her delicate feet of justice.
As the figure rode furiously closer still, the soft morning light shone on the huge dark green emerald eyes that encompassed her heartshaped face, glowing with contentment, peace, and love for her fellow humankind... love for all peoples in all lands everywhere... except for the gnarly KING. (she squints in disgust)

IsaOfArk had been told of the oppressive KING and was determined to release the kingdom of caffeine and sugar of this TYRANT!! It would take SHE, and SHE ALONE to unchain her southern new jersey italian stallion SO HE COULD ROAM FREE TO EXPRESS HIS POLITICAL VIEWS without the KING there to restrain him. And she would do it... she had decided, .. it was a done deed.

Riding on with determination and purpose, IsaOfArk slows her mount at the kingdoms doors... In she canters, smiling at all the good people of Grunto Castle, tossing vietnamese whisker bisquits to those that craved them, and tarts to others who were worthy.

Dismounting her steed, IsaOfArk wraps the reins around what she perceived as MYGODMEMOTHERS' moonshine still, continues past the babbling JIMBOY as he tries to sell flowers at the castlegate to pay for his flood insurance, and further still she walks on to the caffeine room of the GRUNTO castle. Once inside, IsaOfArk hears the voice of her beloved Waiting_for_the_ republicans_to_fold.

Ahhhh, IsaOfArk devours the scent of sweet election victory and flashes a dazzling smile to the new jersey stallion she so adores. The response was a grin and a glimmer of glee at the obvious success her stallion had acheived in her absence. Yes, it was true, for she could hear the grunts and growls all around her as disgruntled republicans sat in discontent and dissarray, chomping on huge pieces of humble and crow pie. Eat my darlings, eat your fill, you had this meal coming for a long eight years IsaOfArk sang in her head.

As IsaOfArk sat gracefully down at a seat in the corner where she could study the angry crowd in amusement, she let slip a giggle... a soft, inward giggle....

AT ONCE the angry crowd stood up from their seats of dismay, slamming their chairs to the wall in indignation!! THE NERVE!! THE AUDACITY!! THE BLATANT BOLDNESS OF THIS BEAUTIFUL UPSTART!! HOW DARE SHE ENTER OUR SANCTUARY OF SIMPLETONS!!
AND THEN ACT SO SUPERIOR OF MIND AND BODY!! GET HER GET HER !!! OFF WITH THE SHREWS HEAD!!!

IsaOfArk acted quickly, she pulled her sword of righteousness from it's sheath and held it glistening and menacingly toward her aggressors. It mattered not that they were simple, or that they all only had one tooth!! NO!! IsaOfArk knew that a decision had to be made, and be made it would!!

IsaOfArk jumped across the bucket of JIMBOYS' flowers, ran swiftly towards the caffeine room's door and shouted; I'LL BE BACKKKKKKKKKKKKK !!

off she flew, through the doors and down the castle stairs at lightening speed!! She stealthily snuck into the GRUNTO CASTLE CODE ROOM to retreive a number that would stop this malee of evildoers that tried to oppress her and her new jersey itallian stallion's political perspectives...

There they were.. the numbers to her freedom...
ahhhhh... carefully IsaOfArk took each number into her soft hands, turned each number over one by one, marveling at their magnificance...

It was time...

Back up the stairs she flew, anticipating her reward at the entrance of the caffeine room.... only to find the KING.. angry and distraught, dissheveled and sweating, snorting through his bloated snout ISA IS EVIL!!!! I SHALL SILENCE HER FOREVER!! He turned to his crowd of bobbleheads (who at this point were devouring vietnamese whisker bisquits) and screamed!! THIS IS MY KINGDOM!! AND IN THIS KINGDOM NO ONE SHALL THINK OUTSIDE OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES !! DO YA HEAR ME?? DO YA HEAR ME YA SNEAKY ANTIAMERICAN BAWSTARDS????!
Being slick as a ribbon, and twice as pretty, IsaOfArk placed the magical numbers in the lock of the caffeine room... slowly opened the door... and entered...

ALAS!! SHE HAS THE MAGIC NUMBERS !! OH WOE IS ME!! WOE IS MEEEEE!!! The KING wailed to his followers, who at this point had wiped their mouths with napkins and had already grabbed MYGODMEMOTHERS' guns in the umbrella stand. They aimed.. they shot... and they struck poor innocent IsaOfArk in the shoulder...

An unknown secret assailant whisked her up in his arms and carried her to safety until the following morning...

Yes... vengence shall have to wait... until mornings light...

Isa lies her head softly on the shoulder of her secret assailant, and smiles knowingly up into his soft eyes... it will wait... till morning... then... we shall take the castle with force...

to be cont.

CONTRADICTIONS !!!

HI IT'S ME... JUST WANTED YOU ALL TO SEE WHAT I RAN ACROSS TONIGHT... WOW,.. SOMETHING SEEMS SHADEY NOW.. hehehehehehehe

i found this on one of zips old sites
heres the url, see for yourself --

http://www.zippergate.bravehost.com/tattlerstuff.html
=====================================================================================
Tattler Highlights Of The Day


These are the posts the day Zip had The Tattler site
ZIPPERGATE said...
Mr/Mrs Tattler I look forward to hearing from you I would love to give this site back, I only took it so the hate bloggers wouldn't

6:58 AM


Lynn said...
OMG....now the "tattler" needs protection from gate? Seems he/she brought on their own demise. Good ridance asshole. You think you did good, but you hurt some people deeply. What goes around comes around....mark my words. AND NO...why should I use an identity...YOU never did !

8:57 AM


Attila the Hen said...
Apparently, The Tattler did good enough for you to log on, pull up the URL, obtain a user name and write in, Lynn. Apparently, you don't understand the definition of the word demise. It means death, and The Tattler is still among us, alive and well, in no small part thanks to people like you.

The Tattler hurt no one. I challenge you to name one person who died, who had to be hospitalized, whose relationship was destroyed or whose life was forever changed because of The Tattler. People cannot be hurt, particularly by something of this nature ONLINE, unless they ALLOW themselves to be hurt. It's a conscious decision and a foolish one if they do take it so to heart that they're 'hurt'. That The Tattler impacted our lives is not in dispute. They gave us something to look forward to each day, something to talk about, laugh about and most importantly, think about. Our human foibles, narrowmindedness, pack instinct, hatreds, foolishness and yes, sometimes outright stupidity was pointed out, but always in a well-written, humorous and at times brilliant manner. The Tattler also went out of their way to show us the human kindness and compassion of those among us too. I feel sorry for you, Lynn. In the famous words of Godot, "You just don't get it."

Attila the Hen

10:46 AM
=============================================================================

ya know..?.. sometimes the internets memory just comes back to bite ya in the atilla

CONTRADICTIONS !!!!

HI IT'S ME... JUST WANTED YOU ALL TO SEE WHAT I RAN ACROSS TONIGHT... WOW,.. SOMETHING SEEMS SHADEY NOW.. hehehehehehehe

i found this on one of zips old sites
heres the url, see for yourself --

http://www.zippergate.bravehost.com/tattlerstuff.html
=====================================================================================
Tattler Highlights Of The Day


These are the posts the day Zip had The Tattler site
ZIPPERGATE said...
Mr/Mrs Tattler I look forward to hearing from you I would love to give this site back, I only took it so the hate bloggers wouldn't

6:58 AM


Lynn said...
OMG....now the "tattler" needs protection from gate? Seems he/she brought on their own demise. Good ridance asshole. You think you did good, but you hurt some people deeply. What goes around comes around....mark my words. AND NO...why should I use an identity...YOU never did !

8:57 AM


Attila the Hen said...
Apparently, The Tattler did good enough for you to log on, pull up the URL, obtain a user name and write in, Lynn. Apparently, you don't understand the definition of the word demise. It means death, and The Tattler is still among us, alive and well, in no small part thanks to people like you.

The Tattler hurt no one. I challenge you to name one person who died, who had to be hospitalized, whose relationship was destroyed or whose life was forever changed because of The Tattler. People cannot be hurt, particularly by something of this nature ONLINE, unless they ALLOW themselves to be hurt. It's a conscious decision and a foolish one if they do take it so to heart that they're 'hurt'. That The Tattler impacted our lives is not in dispute. They gave us something to look forward to each day, something to talk about, laugh about and most importantly, think about. Our human foibles, narrowmindedness, pack instinct, hatreds, foolishness and yes, sometimes outright stupidity was pointed out, but always in a well-written, humorous and at times brilliant manner. The Tattler also went out of their way to show us the human kindness and compassion of those among us too. I feel sorry for you, Lynn. In the famous words of Godot, "You just don't get it."

Attila the Hen

10:46 AM
=============================================================================

ya know..?.. sometimes the internets memory just comes back to bite ya in the atilla

LONG LIVE PRESIDENT OBAMA !!!!